BIG NEWS !!!!!!!

School is offically post poned. I am pregnant. I've known for about 2 weeks. We were not really trying but not really preventing. Its one of those if it happens it happens. I'm excited. I've already ordered maternity clothes. The summer ones are on sale because its out of season, but thats when I will be needing maternity clothes the most so I just saved a ton. I bought 3 tees for $15 that normally would have been $45. I ordered pants for work. I needed a bigger size already from gaining 30 lbs from quitting smoking, so I might as well just jump into the maternity pants.

I've had some issues with this pregnancy. I've had some left side pain that maybe a cysts. I've had 1 u/s that may have shown a small sac. I've had my beta numbers checked. They were like 2701 and 4203. Good numbers. Last night I had some pink bleeding. Scary. No blood today so maybe this is like something i had with gavin.

Anyway my care has been managed by my OB so far....I am planning to make an appointment with some midwives soon.

Brown Mackie College

I took a tour of Brown Mackie College in North Canton tonight. I was very excited to tour with a friend of mine. My friend wants to be a LPN and continue on to RN as well someday. So we are hoping to go to school together. We were given some very bad information about class schedules. The cost of school is more then 2 x the cost of any other school I have looked at. It was a major flop and disappointment. I'm still determined as ever with a little help from my friend. THANK YOU ! I came home to find another school with better possibilities. I will be calling them tomorrow. Its a matter of time, but I will be a nurse someday.

Birth Pictures

I'm feeling really sad right now. I was reading through some of my ICAN group mail when I came across some one's birth pictures during her c-section. I was under general anesthesia for my "emergency" c-section with my oldest child. I expected my husband to bring the camera in to the OR with my 2nd child. It was not my biggest concern at the time. I was about to have yet another major abdominal surgery that I didn't want and I was going to be awake for it all. YIPPEE He didn't bring the camera in. I actually don't know if they even allow it in there. I am so sad that I don't have one single birth picture. I'm on the verge of tears. Its just that upsetting. Lately I have become more and more concerned about my own fertility. I know now is not perfect time to have a child but I am still so eager to get pregnant. It would totally mess up my plans for school, but my desire for another child out weighs my education.

Too Much Stress

OK I seriously don't think I can take stressing over it anymore. I applied for federal aid for school. I have a hard time believing I can find enough help for school and daycare. I need someone to get Brian on the bus in the morning. This is if I attend Hannah Mullins day classes which is 44 weeks. Classes next start in March. There is a medical terminology course you must take before classes start in January.

Then there is the Career Center that has classes only once a year but for a full year. Classes are evening so I wouldn't have to worry so much about daycare and cost and Brian getting off to school. I wouldn't see Brian but on the weekends which I assume I will need to study too.

If I start classes in March I can start my career sooner hence make more money sooner and move out of this house. I wont have to worry about my dumb ass job I have now so much because when I start school I don't want to have to work..Just want to focus on school. If I go to the other school next fall it delays everything above and I would have to find another job for the year's time and I doubt much is out there in a recession.

My husband is also a huge pain in the ass.. don't think I have mentioned that lately.

LPN or BUST

OK so I have thrown around a lot of ideas lately. I feel like a HS senior again trying to find myself in short time. I really feel like I am discovering my true self. I have such a passion for helping pregnant women. I really want to ease myself into midwifery. I will do midwifery after my kids are grown so I can be fully educated and available to my patients. Have to be fair. I know I should go for RN...that just isn't getting me into the field fast enough. That would take 2-4 yrs. I found a nursing school VERY close by that runs a 44 week program...That's less then a year !!!!! I could be working in a hospital by this time next year...That excites me to no end. Just hope it can be on the labor and delivery floor.

As for paying for college........That's the toughest part...Can I find enough financial help. I have 6 months to figure it out.

Update on my friend

My friend responded with all the garbage her doctor is feeding her for the induction. So I responded with some good information. I told her If she wanted to know more that I would be more then happy to help...I asked her to make sure she asks a lot of questions and warned her of the dangers of pitocin and cervadil. I wished her the best and now I wait to see what she thinks of my nice long inofrmative letter.

Panic

I read on a friend's myspace about her impending induction on Monday. She is not a close friend but someone I worked with a few years back. She is a young first time mom. As soon as I read her status, I felt panic all over. I "HAD" to do something meanwhile thinking this is not your birth. BUT BUT BUT I can't stand back and watch a train wreck possibly happen right? So I did what I would want someone else to do for me and offer the unsolicited advice... I'm still shaking over the idea she might end up a c/s and not know the consequences of it. I will be upset if she doesn't contact me and ends up with a c/s. But what if she succeeds through all the interventions ??? Will I be upset about that too?? Jealously will rear its ugly head I'm sure but I'm sure I will be relieved too.

On another subject I bought 2 books Thursday. "the doulas guide to birth" and Ina May's "guide to child birth"....I'm also awaiting my copy of Jennifer Block's "Pushed"....As soon as I finish those I want "silent knife" and "Born in the USA".....Ohhh and a couple movies... I don't remember their names but I'll update when I get those.

Hello Dollies - Introducing the Fetus and Breast-Feeding Dolls - ParentDish

Wow.. this just amazes me.. Where was my nurseing baby doll when I was a child ?

Hello Dollies - Introducing the Fetus and Breast-Feeding Dolls - ParentDish

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I wish it were real

Last night I had a dream... It seemed all to real. All I can remember is being in labor and pushing. I pushed a baby girl out of my vagina. YAY !!!! It was amazing ! I remember thinking ...Wow that was it ? I did it. Then it jumped to me up moving around and I was thinking..."I just gave birth and feel amazing, I need to slow down before I over do it".

Everyday I feel more and more confident on my birting abilites. I know with support, love, and education that I can do this. I'm eager to be pregnant again. I can't wait to feel a little one inside me kicking again.

I bought some maternity jeans for $5 on sale a couple weeks ago...TEE HEE...

I think I might look up some more home vbacs videos online. I love how inspiring they are....I've seen some women successfully have thier 1st vaginal after 3 or 4 c/s !!!

OT BIRD Samaritan

I went out to get my hair done tonight even though I knew the girl I only let do my hair was not working tonight. I guess I just needed out. On my way home in the middle of the road I live on is something white. Right before I run my Jeep over it I realize its a small white bird. ** OH SHIT ** I make sure my tire doesn't hit it as long as it doesn't move. I particularly refuse to see it if I killed it because it depresses me so much I barely function for a week. So I ran in my house and asked Jason to check on the bird. He came home with the bird to tell me its a cockatiel that can not fly. I cant house this bird and its getting dark fast. So we decided our best plan of action was to find the owner now. I just couldn't see a flightless bird being out more then a few hours with out being killed. Someone close had to be looking for it right ? Well we talked to someone who lived right where the bird was and he said he knew everyone in the immediate area and no one owns a bird. So we traveled down a side road since its right off the road where the bird was found. We travel about a quarter-half mile down the road and found another tiny side road. Jason was going to turn around but I mentioned I had not been down here before. So he went down a couple houses and saw an elderly lady walking her dog. We stopped to ask if she knew anyone missing a bird. YES !!!! SHE DID !!! Her other elderly friend lost a cockatiel. The owner's 90 yr old husband took the bird out side and some how managed to escape. So we waited on the owner to arrive home from church. This lil old lady was almost in tears of joy. We could see it was her baby. I guess she had hand fed it and it was only 4-5 months old. They all thought one of the cats had got the bird, so we asked how long it had been missing. MONDAY !!! Can you believe a flightless bird traveled as far as it did for 3 days to the middle of a busy road with probably 50 cats around ?!?!?! I told her that was one lucky bird who was meant to come home. I know at least 3 cars traveled over that bird too. Jason and I are very happy to know "cinnamon" is back home with mommy...LOL

I TRIED...

A very young first time mom I work with was due mid July. I had a few brief time to politely tell her about the high c/s rate her OB has, recommend finding a midwifeand doula, and lots of helpful things I thought could safe her from a c/s. I apologized for soliciting advice but explained I only wanted to help. She never seemed worried or concerned, but rather confident. I told her if she ever needed help that I would do my best. I ran into her today. Her baby was born a month early and I know I shouldn't have asked but I did. " how was the birth?" She smiled and said it was good, she had a Cesarean." My heart sank and I know my face probably showed it. I felt sorry for her and mad at her OB. How did I fail ? I couldn't "save" her.

Journey into Motherhood

Free birth book..Read and pass along !!!

http://smenelli.wordpress.com/

ICAN Chapter

I've been thinking about this for months. I still haven't made a decision on it yet. I want more interested people before I get serious. I would like to open an ICAN chapter in my area. I'm not sure how long it would take to make it official but if you live in North East Ohio and are interested as well...PLEASE let me know soon. I feel weird about leading a chapter with out a VBAC "under my belt". Can I support women to do what I haven't?? Will they listen to someone who hasn't done it ( vbac ) ?? I have to wonder sometimes if I am strong enough ? I suppose we don't know how strong we are until we face our fears. I'm really excited about doing this. Hopefully I can look back on this when I have my own birth center.

Introduction

Its a long overdue intro, and I have little time to do it too before I fall asleep. My name is Michele. As you can see I am from Ohio. I have 2 kids born by what I now believe to be unnecessary cesarean section by a broken system and my lack of education in childbirth. I've spent several years researching childbirth, vbac's, and lactation. I am amazed at how little I know about birth. I am shocked no one including my family could inform me or direct me to a better birth. My neighborhood is run by OB's ( SURGEONS ). Around here when you get pregnant you find an OB, surrender your body to them, and head to the hospital at the first sign of birth. What the hell is a midwife? birth center? Does anyone breast feed? I'm going to make my life's goal to educate women on birth, informed consent, and so much more. I've started researching on how to become a child birth educator, doula, and lactation consultant. My ultimate goal is to become a midwife. I just can not sit back and let other women fall victim to the OB's here. I've joined ICAN's email group on Yahoo about a year ago. The women on there are soooooo amazing. They are a wealth of knowledge. Anyone seeking support should join ICAN. Hopefully this gives you an idea of what I'm about. This is probably what I will be blogging about and my journey to a HWBA2C ( home water birth after 2 cesareans)